Finale, Scene One

in which our intrepid and extremely versatile Penguin With The Strange Case of Amnesia is joined by various others for

an amazing Antarctic stomping dance scene. . .

and, not to be outdone, Joe Valentine, PI casts off his coat for a different kind of mackintosh

and joins in. . .

his glamorous assistant rushes to join him, has a bit of an issue with her costume. . .

. . .so decides to just strip right off and make the most of the raindrops

but what of our other maiden? and, will The Missing Amulet ever be found? and (*The Audience boos and hisses*) when will the I,LTV 2009 Panto Extravaganza Villain (as yet uncast) ever appear? and, has The Lemonade Stand finally run out of lemons? and, more importantly, will he ever sing again? (brilliant suggestion for his next song here!); and some scenery is still to be built. . .

Act One, Scene One

Stage Directions: girl wanders, lost, in forest. . .Joe Valentine, PI, appears, as if from nowhere. . . however, even aided and abetted by The Penguin with the Strange Case of Amnesia, they couldn't see the wood for the trees. . . so who, we asked ourselves, will appear next to help rescue the maiden. . .
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Ah-ha! no, not a band of Norwegian vikings, but The Highlander strode on. . . we know not what he wears under his kilt (big oo-oooooooooooooooooooo from the audience please) but we do know that he plays a mean tune on his bag-pipes. . . as the maiden looked aside, blushing, at the thought of The Highlander's undergarments (or even his chest wig) Joe withdrew his cravat and offered it to The Penguin (who had forgotten to put on her costume). . .
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in a puff of smoke, the Famous French Fancy appears, singing a love song (as a form of distraction) (from the cross-dressing) (it's terrible when someone uses balsamic vinegar instead of red wine vinegar) to one and all (accompanied by The Highlander, on his bag-pipes) but secretly to his (or perhaps her) one true love. . .

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"Foy porter, honneur garder, Et pais querir, oubeir,
Doubter, servir, et honnourer, Vous vueil jusques au morir, Dame sans per.
Car tant vous aim, sans mentir, Qu'on poroit avant tarir,
La haute mer,
Et ses ondes retenir que me peusse alentir de vous amer."