"The Search For The Missing Amulet"

or: "Here I Am, Stuck In The Middle With You"

a festive pantomiming of the seasonal and herbal parsnip variety
currently in rehearsal, scripts still being edited and scenery not even yet painted. . .
and what about the score!! yikes, I knew I shouldn't have undertaken all this myself:
crikey, people, we need music!!
(and perhaps I need a little help?)

Curtain Calls

Finale, Final Scene

so, there we have it: Joe Valentine, PI, shot the Villain of Peace. . . who turned out to be the ultimate and yet unrevealed cross-dresser, but won an Oscar for his non-performance anyhow . . . Joe won the heart of his moll (who had a t-shirt made to celebrate) and they lived happily ever after; The Penguin With The Strange Case Of Amnesia won an Oscar for her dance sequences. . . . . .and retired to her special place in the snow and the ice until her services were required again; Lemonade Stand found a replacement and another replacement and exited stage left to live happily ever after (or at least until next year)
meanwhile, The Audience clapped and clapped. . .. . .until their hands became sore and their wrists ached (well, most of them did, one of them just got an aching wrist), hoping for an encore, or a least a little more plot development. . .

Finale, Scene Two

in which a pair of sexy go-go boots joins the cast

I dunno, from can-can to go-go. . . there has to be a hidden meaning in all this somewhere*. . . (while I ponder this, The Audience reach for their song-sheets and burst into song!) (*more details to follow soon!)

Finale, Scene One

in which our intrepid and extremely versatile Penguin With The Strange Case of Amnesia is joined by various others for

and, not to be outdone, Joe Valentine, PI casts off his coat for a different kind of mackintosh

his glamorous assistant rushes to join him, has a bit of an issue with her costume. . .
. . .so decides to just strip right off and make the most of the raindrops

but what of our other maiden? and, will The Missing Amulet ever be found? and (*The Audience boos and hisses*) when will the I,LTV 2009 Panto Extravaganza Villain (as yet uncast) ever appear? and, has The Lemonade Stand finally run out of lemons? and, more importantly, will he ever sing again? (brilliant suggestion for his next song here!); and some scenery is still to be built. . .

Second Interval: in which. . .

a Star Is Born

(click the link in the side bar and sing along with Joe Valentine, PI) (or just listen to his sweetly sung and gently whispered nothings) (meanwhile, not to be upstaged, various Penguins join the Penguin With A Strange Case Of Amnesia for a bit of antarctic frolicking. . .)

Act Two (an act in one scene)

in which: more members of the cast assemble, stage left, awaiting their appearance, crucial to the thickening of the plot. . .
and in the meantime, onstage, Joe Valentine, PI, about to shoot, is momentarily distracted by the sudden appearance of his moll (recently emerged from the shower in Joe's dressing room) (and now in full costume) who strides womanfully to his side where she places her hands firmly over his. . .
. . .gun - directing it instead at the Marquis' bagpipes. . .
a terrible noise is heard! the audience responds by throwing lemons towards the stage. . .
the chorus girls, led by the Fine French Fancies (it appears we have two!) (or is one a cross dresser in disguise?) dive for cover, frilly knickers fill the air
the Penguin With The Mysterious Case of Amnesia and the Albino Crow dive and fly for cover respectively. . . but the mystery remains, who was Joe intending to shoot? and why?
and where is the missing amulet?
and what will happen to all those lemons?
in the meantime, since he's arrived better late than never (Director: *frowns*), the Lemonade Stand bursts into song (not accompanied by the bag-pipes, now sadly blown to bits; and whilst wiping lemon juice out of his eyes) (he's a very talented Lemonade Stand - you'd expect nothing less from an I,LTV production, now would you)
"Il ne'est joie ne joir n'autre bien qu'on puist sentir
Qui ne me samble languir,
Quant vo douceur adoucir vuet mon amer:
Dont loer et aourer et vous cremier, tout souffrir,
Tout conjoir, Tout endurer
Vueil plus que je ne desir guerredonner
Foy porter"

First Interval

During which: members of the audience are handed lemonsand song sheets (see side bar) are distributed by a hitherto unmentioned member of the cast. . .

Act One, Scene Two

Stage Directions: Lemonade Stand lurks, as yet unnoticed, somewhat menancingly at the edge of the stage. . .
in this act two strangers appear, one of whom might possibly be the German Forest Dwelling Magician and the other of whom might be someone in need of a Magic Carpet; perhaps they are fencing stolen goods, perhaps they have very large wallets, we don't know. . . what we know is that they came prepared for festive celebrations, bringing with them cup cakes!
a lady, who had been trying to distract The Highlander by blowing kisses from her balcony, instead let loose her pet peacock. . .

the pet peacock dropped a feather in The Highlander's direction distracting him from his task onstage, which was trying to upstage the Fine French Fancy. . .
but to no avail, as the Fine French Fancy is joined by a Chorus of Can Can Girls (one of whom was swinging in the sixties and is still swinging!)

Act One, Scene One

Stage Directions: girl wanders, lost, in forest. . .Joe Valentine, PI, appears, as if from nowhere. . . however, even aided and abetted by The Penguin with the Strange Case of Amnesia, they couldn't see the wood for the trees. . . so who, we asked ourselves, will appear next to help rescue the maiden. . .
Ah-ha! no, not a band of Norwegian vikings, but The Highlander strode on. . . we know not what he wears under his kilt (big oo-oooooooooooooooooooo from the audience please) but we do know that he plays a mean tune on his bag-pipes. . . as the maiden looked aside, blushing, at the thought of The Highlander's undergarments (or even his chest wig) Joe withdrew his cravat and offered it to The Penguin (who had forgotten to put on her costume). . .
in a puff of smoke, the Famous French Fancy appears, singing a love song (as a form of distraction) (from the cross-dressing) (it's terrible when someone uses balsamic vinegar instead of red wine vinegar) to one and all (accompanied by The Highlander, on his bag-pipes) but secretly to his (or perhaps her) one true love. . .
"Foy porter, honneur garder, Et pais querir, oubeir,
Doubter, servir, et honnourer, Vous vueil jusques au morir, Dame sans per.
Car tant vous aim, sans mentir, Qu'on poroit avant tarir,
La haute mer,
Et ses ondes retenir que me peusse alentir de vous amer."

it's almost panto time!